Tag Archives: self-affirming BS

Ghosting

Seeing this out of the window each day, there really is no reason to complain.

Yup, I can’t say I didn’t see this one coming, despite how often I told myself I wouldn’t let it happen. When was my last post? Oh, right, November – Thanksgiving to be exact.

Let’s see, what types of excuses can I make? How about one of these:

  • My internet sucked, and I couldn’t post anything due to technical issues
  • I’ve been too busy with work
  • I’ve been too busy riding (I’d like to go with this one)
  • I got mauled by a mountain lion
  • There is nothing exciting going on in my life
  • I’ve invested my spare time in more worthwhile endeavors (reading, job hunting, painting, solving world hunger, riding, video games, bar-hopping, couch potato-ing, etc.)
  • I’m too damn lazy

Regardless, the past few months have been nothing short of a roller-coaster ride, and as much as I’d like to label that a viable excuse, it’s actually the complete opposite. This whole project was to keep track of my experiences – good and bad – and, as you can see, I’ve failed at doing exactly that. But, here I am, and the time has come to play a bit of catch-up.

Where to start? Well, this winter has been extremely odd, but perhaps frustrating is a better adjective. In a perfect world, I would have moved out here, secured a good job, settled into a decent living arrangement and woke up to fresh pow every morning. But as luck would have it, none of those things fell so easily into place. I’ve been working at a YMCA, getting paid shit, living in a windowless dorm room that’s a constant 90 degrees, and adhering to juvenile rules that ban alcohol possession/consumption (among countless other things) from 24-year-olds such as myself. On top of that, Mother Nature has wanted to be a bitch to all of us this season, and rather than the typical 300+ inches of snow that Colorado is used to, we’ve seen about 150. And it’s almost mid-March.

Locals have told me that this has been the worst winter since the mid 70s. Go figure.

But before I convince anyone that I’m battling a serious doubt of depression, I’ve actually been having the time of my life. The weather is going to be what it is – there’s no changing that. And at the end of the day, snowboarding is still snowboarding, whether there is two feet of powder on the ground, or an inch of solid ice. Plus, winter has already packed its bags on the east coast (or did it ever even arrive?) and I’m still looking to ride well into May – can’t say I’d rather be back home. On top of it, the past two weeks have been borderline epic – snow every day, thrown in with one ridiculous powder day, which will easily go down as one of my most memorable days of riding…ever.

As for my shitty-paying job and equally-as-bad living arrangements, I’ve finally dealt with them, banishing them to the rear file cabinets of my memory to collect dust. Perhaps they can find camaraderie with the one time I tried to play rec council basketball, or that brief time span when driving to Essex on a regular basis seemed appealing. Ugh.

So, I guess that’s sort of a streamlined story of the past three of four months of my life. Colorado has proven to be an amazing place, filled with equally amazing people and opportunities – and that’s after just being here for the winter. I keep hearing how incredible the summers are, so despite Old Man Winter preparing for hibernation, I can’t say I’m really all that upset. There are still plenty of exciting things to look forward to: mountain biking, camping, fishing, hiking, swimming, and, seeing as there is always snow to be found somewhere,¬†snowboarding. Hopefully, as we transition into warmer months, I’ll be less of a ghost and display a little more motivation in regards to writing.

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Here We Go…

Since moving out to Colorado, I’ve had plans to keep a journal of sorts – to document my daily thoughts, actions, feelings, revelations, ups, downs, moods and everything and anything in between. Well, after two months (exactly) of being out here, I finally reached deep enough within myself to squeeze out the motivation to sit in front of my computer and begin this “project” as I’ll call it. I will admit that it’s come with a little bit of frustration. What should I write about? What do people want to read? What kind of tone – serious, humorous, nostalgic- should it possess ? Maybe it should just be a stream-of-consciousness? Maybe I’ll just post pictures? I still am not sure.

I do know that I’ve been spending my time lately revisiting the works of Thoreau (I received a batch of books from some ¬†hippie lady at what I’ll call a “stoner’s dream of a restaurant” down the road – they sell everything from tacos to salt water taffy, to egg sandwiches to fried creamed corn something-or others. I’ll admit, it’s all delicious, despite the painstaking hours it takes me to finally settle on what to order), and I considered some transcendental-I finally have a greater scope of the world-becoming one with nature-Coloradan perspective, but then I had to remind myself of a few things: I work at a YMCA. In reality, I am not some naturalist-tree hugging-quarter-life crisis having (ok, maybe I am suffering from a mild case of early-twenties confusion) lost soul, who’s decided to live a hermit’s life in a cabin in a quest for self-discovery. I work as a lifeguard, meaning I maintain the same position that 16-year-old high school jocks hold as a summer job in order to keep the car that Mom and Dad bought filled with gas…but I’d like to think I do so without suffering from the common “power trip” syndrome that is so common among such individuals. I also use an overwhelming amount of hyphens in my writing apparently, but I’m going to let them slide because I don’t feel like going back to make everything grammatically sound. Sorry.

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am not quite sure where all of this is headed, and I’ve developed the same sort of attitude in the way I look at my life. I’m just going to let both unfold naturally, and take everything as it comes. For years I’ve spent too much time and energy stressing over where I’ve been and where I’m going, and not enough on where I am. Well, today marks the start of change. Feel free to follow along, and if nothing else, maybe my friends and family will simply be able to keep up with me and my life.

…Or maybe I’ll just become that tree-hugging tent-dweller who survives off of books and miscellaneous munchies from the woman down the road. We’ll see.

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